Are you there God? It's me, Charles

I feel like the luckiest person on the planet right now. I've never been in a real car accident before (knock on wood, God forbid, [that Hebrew thing Avital says all the time that I can't spell], etc.), but today was the closest I've ever come.

I was driving home from Athens to Fayetteville in the middle of rush hour(6:00), on one of the busiest highways in the country (I-85). I was going between 70 and 75 miles an hour, and I heard this rumbling coming from the back of my car, followed by a bunch of thumping. I came to find out later that it was my tire essentially unraveling, but I didn't have time to figure that out as it was happening, as I was promptly going into a spin.

Partly out of compulsive reaction and partly because I heard somewhere that you're supposed to, I turned the wheel in the direction of the spin. I pulled an 810 degree turn (that's 2 and a quarter rotations for those of you scoring at home), crossing a lane of traffic. I somehow managed to miss all the cars in that lane, and they all somehow managed to miss me. And in retrospect, it was probably a good thing that I was spinning because it slowed me down enough so when I hit the median wall I wasn't going dangerously fast, or facing the direction that would've set off my airbags.

At the end of it all, I was essentially backed into the median wall, facing the wrong way on 85, blocking the HOV lane. As if spinning in between cars at 70 miles an hour wasn't enough, I then had the pleasure of sitting there while they swerved around me.

There haven't been many times in my life where I've truly felt like there was a good possibility that I could die...actually come to think of it, this might be the first. The whole 'life flashing before your eyes' bit is pretty accurate. My first thought was 'Oh my God what are they going to tell my mom?' followed by similar thoughts about other people in my life. But after a few seconds, people started seeing me in time to go around me, and I felt safe enough to start calling people.

Of course, I called home first. The conversation started out like "Hey Mom, uh...don't freak out, I'm fine and everything, but uh...I kinda blew a tire, spun out and hit the median wall." She handled it a lot better than I expected. She just called my dad who was on his way home from work to come pick me up.

In the middle of our conversation, a policewoman that just happened to be driving behind me pulled off the road and put her lights on. She got out of her car and started walking towards me. I shimmied out of the passenger side door (as getting out of the driver's side would mean getting out on the highway) and walked over to her. She asked me what happened, I explained, and she called a tow truck.

Eventually I got my car towed off the highway, put the spare on, and my dad follows me home. But while I was talking to the cop, she said something that kinda got to me. After saying how amazing it was that no one else was involved and how lucky I am that I wasn't hurt, she said 'the Good Lord was watching over you today...' Similar sentiments came from just about everyone else that heard the story. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy, but in a different way than usual. I almost felt unworthy. I mean, who am I that God would take time out of his busy day to make sure I don't get hurt?

I consider myself a moderately religious person, but I've never really thought about the concept of God intervening in people's lives or the idea of Guardian Angels or whatever...but having something like that happen really makes me think twice about it. Either I'm just incredibly lucky almost to the point that it's comical, or there is someone or something out there that felt the need to make sure I was ok.

To top it all off, the dent in my bumper from hitting the wall popped itself out on the way home, so it's like the accident never happened, aside from my blown tire. If I didn't have pictures of it, no one would believe me.

Thank you and have a nice day (Revised)

It's no secret that I'm a conservative. For crying out loud, I'm the Editor in Chief of a conservative student newspaper. And as much as I run my mouth, I'm not that extreme, and I'm not militant.

Whenever I'm talking with someone who has a different opinion, I'm polite, reserved, and cordial. However, I've met many more militant liberals than conservatives. Some people are just rude.

Once a month, the paper I work for rents a table at the student center to give papers to people as they walk by. We're always polite, and we don't cram it down people's throats. But every so often, some angry liberal makes it a point to come by our table to let us know how much we suck, and how much they hate us and everything we stand for.

Today was no different in as much as a liberal (actually several) came by the table to express their opinion. But there was one especially rude one. An older lady walked up, whistling rather loudly and obnoxiously. Being the polite person I am, I said 'good morning', but she didn't even look up and kept whistling, even louder. She picked up an issue, thumbed through it, made some comment about my Spongebob article, and proceeded to say 'you punks would be thinking differently if you were up against a draft...' and proceeded to throw the issue down, and storm off while yelling 'it's an illegal war by a JACKASS!!'

Not losing my composure, I simply said 'Thank you and have a nice day!' I don't think she was listening. But it did make me think.

First of all, why are liberals so angry, and what makes them think they have the right to be rude and obnoxious to people who disagree with them?

At any rate, who said we were punks? We were all well groomed, neatly dressed, and weren't bothering anyone. Are we punks simply for having a different opinion? That's not exactly fair.

And who said we'd be thinking differently if we were facing a draft? Just because you're a sissy that doesn't want to defend America doesn't mean we all are. I signed up for selective service on my 18th birthday, and I did so gladly. And it was before 9/11, so it's not like I was jumping on the Defend America bandwagon. On a side note, some douchebag in my dorm freshman year was trying to impress some girls by saying he signed up for the draft after 9/11, neglecting to tell them it was his birthday and he had to by law...anyway.

I almost took offense when she said 'you punks would be thinking differently...' because I don't think that's true. I don't love freedom or America, and I don't think people everywhere deserve freedom just because I don't have to fight for it. I have several members of my family who either are or were in the military, and I understand the sacrifice. I have profound respect for anyone in the military, and I would love to be a part of it. However, there are reasons I'm not. There doesn't seem to be a market in the military for a skinny 6' tall, 150 pound white guy with a speech impediment, though I am pretty good with a rifle. Plus I feel like there are ways I would be more effective in advancing the cause of freedom other than crawling around in the desert shooting at people.

However, if my country for whatever reason needed a skinny, 6' tall, 150 pound white guy with a speech impediment, I'd be first in line with a hearty hoorah and a semper fi. Would I be scared? Of course. I'm not an idiot. But I'm not going to change my beliefs just because I might actually have to defend them. If there ever was a draft, I wouldn't burn my draft card, move to Canada or pull a Mohammed Ali and say 'I ain't got no quarrel with no A-rabs.' Like I said, I'd be scared as hell, but I'd sign up, and I'd bring my own gun.

God save the Queen

So Prince Charles is planning to marry his long-time mistress, and the Queen isn't going to attend. Shh...listen closely, and you can hear the sound no one in America caring. And from what I can tell, no one in the world under the age of 30 cares either.

I've never been horribly impressed with the Royal Family. Prince Charles looks goofy (despite the fantastic name), Prince Phillip is an ignorant moron, and Prince Harry thinks an old Nazi uniform is a sweet costume. Plus, none of them really seem to do anything.

I mean really...what exactly is in the job description of a prince? They don't have any real political power, they don't seem to really contribute to policy or anything like that...so what purpose do they serve, other than wait for each other to die so they can be king?

I don't really have anything witty to say, I just thought it was funny that it's all over the news, and people really didn't seem to notice. Kinda like the NHL not having a season...did anyone even notice?

Anyway, to fill my comical quota, I'll rip off something from Conan O'Brien. Every so often, he has this segment called 'Celebrity Survey' where they fictitiously ask celebrities pointless questions to get an idea of their personality. Anyway...this one cracked me up:

If I was a tree, I would be:
-Mel Gibson: An oak tree
-Liv Tyler: A pine tree
-Camilla Parker-Bowles: Far more attractive

If you don't know who Camilla Parker-Bowles is, you just proved my whole point.

The lost art of the theme song

TV sucks now. It's nothing but reality shows and people eating horse rectum and cock roaches. Aside from the fact that the shows themselves suck, what bothers me is the lack of decent theme songs.

Maybe it's just me, but I can recite the theme songs to Hey Dude, Full House, Family Matters and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air on command, and odds are most of you can recite at least one. They were catchy. They had something to do with the show. They made you feel good to sing along.

The last great theme song was 'I'll Be There for You' from Friends, but that wasn't even a real theme song because it was an actual single for the Rembrandts.

What good theme songs are there now? Exactly. Survivor doesn't have a catchy song. Fear Factor? No. It's kinda sad. The art of writing a good theme song seems to be lost on this generation.

In no particular order, here's a list of shows with kick-ass theme songs:

The Brady Bunch
Three's Company
Mr. Ed
Green Acres
Full House
Family Matters
Step by Step
Friends
Hey Dude
Salute Your Shorts
Saved by the Bell
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (admit it)
Fresh Prince
The Adventures of Pete and Pete (again, not an actual theme song, but still awesome)

Did I forget any? Let me know

Get Fuzzy rocks my face off 

More revisionist history from a guilt laden white guy

I really hate to keep mentioning my cultural geography professor, but he keeps pissing me off. I can handle different opinions, but I draw the line at factual inaccuracies.

Today we were talking about historical instances of systematic racism in America, and he cited the '3/5 rule' in the South. Just as a refresher for those of you unfamiliar, the 3/5 rule (or '3/5 Compromise') referred to the counting of slaves as 3/5 of a person in regards to representation in congress.

It is generally thought that this was because lawmakers in the South wanted to institutionalize the idea that blacks were inferior to whites. BUT, in all actuality, lawmakers in the South wanted to count slaves as a full person. It was the lawmakers in the North that didn't want to count slaves at all. Does this mean that the lawmakers in the North were the real racists? No.

Applying a little logic to the situation brings about the conclusion that it was actually more beneficial for slaves not to be counted at all. Think about it. Slaves couldn't vote. If they were counted as full people like the southern lawmakers wanted, it would've increased the South's pro-slavery, anti-black representation in congress (if slaves had been able to vote, it would be different because they would have presumably not voted to continue their slavery). However, if they were not counted at all, the South's representation (and thus power) in Congress would've been much weaker. So the 3/5 compromise was actually more pro-slavery (or racist, if you prefer) than not counting slaves at all.

So the next time someone says that it was racist to only count slaves as 3/5 of a person, hit them with a rolled up newspaper, point your finger in their face and say 'No. Bad.' Then put them outside and don't let them back in until they've had time to think about what they did.

Spongebob digs the dudes

Since I have to write a 5 page paper by tomorrow that I haven't yet started on, and since I'm not feeling particularly witty at the moment, I'm going to be lame and post my last opinion piece from the GuardDawg. Maybe I'll write something original tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy.

Like many of you, I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends was in fact a homosexual. It was just such a complete surprise that I didn't know how to react. Sure, there were signs that, in hindsight, make a lot of sense -- he wore a tie with socks and knee-high socks, he had an ambiguous relationship with his best friend Patrick, and enjoyed frolicking with squirrels.

However, this revelation was perhaps most shocking because I was always under the impression that sponges were asexual.
But when I heard that Spongebob Squarepants was taking part in a propaganda film that aimed to further the gay agenda, I was stunned. When I then learned that this filth was going to be shown to children, I was livid.
Or, at least I would have been had that been a warranted reaction given the circumstances. That being said, I think I'm going to sit this one out.

Every so often, a well-meaning conservative has a slight overreaction to a particular social issue, what is said gets misinterpreted and taken out of context, the liberal backlash is even worse than what was originally said, and a political barroom brawl ensues.

Everyone remembers the collective wince experienced by reasonable conservatives and the subsequent ridicule from the left when Jerry Falwell made the claim that Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby, was also a homosexual.

This time, that well-meaning conservative is Dr. James Dobson, author and traditional family values advocate. I certainly mean no disrespect to Dr. Dobson and I appreciate his work in the social arena. In his defense, he never expressly said that Spongebob was a homosexual, simply that he had been enlisted in a 'pro-homosexual video', referring to a video that was to be shown in thousands of schools across the country which also included Sesame Street characters, Muppets, and Barney the Dinosaur.

That being said, Dr. Dobson doesn't seem to realize which issues should be left well enough alone. There are more pressing issues facing children today other than the subtle exposure to sexually ambiguous television characters.

Besides, if we start a witch hunt of cartoons and puppets with deviant tendencies, children will be stuck watching Oprah and Dr. Phil after school, and that's just inhumane.

For starters, both Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny traipse around in the nude forcefully kissing members of the opposite sex. What message does that send to the children of this country?
Also, isn't it at least slightly suspicious that Bert and Ernie still share a room when they're both presumably too old for such a thing?

Even Kermit the Frog gets his jollies from romantic relationships with other species. How has this sick perversion gone unnoticed for so long?

The point is, virtually every children’s character can be construed in one way or another as advocating homosexuality or some other behavior at odds with traditional family values. Highly sensitive traditionalists need to realize that children who watch such programming are unconcerned with the sexuality of the characters, and sexuality in general. Trying to protect them from something that easily goes over their head in the first place only indirectly exposes them to what was trying to be avoided.

In addition, family values begin and are reinforced at home. Responsible parenting is far more effective than any film children will see at school, regardless of what that film is thought to advocate.

If the generation before them can survive an effeminate purple dinosaur with an enjoyment of children that borders on suspicious and an androgynous giant yellow bird, this generation will do perfectly well with a friendly, bucktoothed sponge. And for crying out loud, just let kids be kids.

Oh God, spare me

My cultural geography professor really irritates me sometimes. First of all, he's short tempered and gets all pissed off at little things. But that's not the point.

Today he said some things that really just rubbed me the wrong way. To give you a little background, he's a white guy from Michigan that seems to be ashamed and feel guilty for being a white guy from Michigan. He's said a lot of questionable things before, but today I nearly had a stroke.

We were talking about the difference between high school and college educations, and he said this: 'In high school, for example, you learn that Thomas Jefferson was a founder of this nation that wrote all these great essays and documents that just happened to own slaves. But in college, you learn that Thomas Jefferson was a slave owner that just happened to be a founder of this nation and write a bunch of great documents.'

What?! What kind of logic is that? I mean, by that reasoning, Abe Lincoln was just a slave free-er that happened to be president during the civil war. That's very well the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Why is it that historical figures should be defined in terms of their slave ownership? That's ridiculous. We can't apply today's morality to the morality of 3 centuries ago. Those that owned slaves didn't do it out of malice, it was just a common economic practice of the time. They didn't hate their slaves, they just incorrectly viewed them as inferior. And those who didn't own slaves generally didn't do so because of some moral aversion, but rather because they simply couldn't afford it. Yeah, slavery was a terrible thing, but it was born out of ignorance and stupidity rather than evil and hatred.

It really bothers me when people, especially those in educator positions, try to assign motives to our forefathers according to the current political norm. And can we please stop acting like every white person in America is personally responsible for slavery? Slave owners were actually rather uncommon as it was incredibly expensive. My family never owned slaves, but because I have less melanin in my skin than Jesse Jackson, it's my fault and apparently I owe him money (more commonly known as reparations).

I wouldn't be as opposed to the idea of reparations if it wasn't reduced to 'white people giving black people money'. I mean, if you can trace the relatives of who owned slaves and the relatives of those who were slaves and have them work it out, that's not as bad. But the movement now totally ignores the fact that millions of whites actually fought and died to end slavery, never owned slaves, etc. but yet are still included in those 'responsible' for it.

All in all, we need to get away from this whole victim mentality. No one alive today was a slave, or even knows anyone who was a slave, and likewise for those who owned slaves. And if there's a black person in this country that can prove that they would be better off if slavery never happened, I'll give them the keys to my car. So can we please get over it?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go write up my proposal for reparations from eastern Europe for the religious persecution of my ancestors. On second thought, maybe I'll just write them a thank you note. If it weren't for them I'd still be somewhere east of Prague hoping to freeze to death before I died of starvation. I much prefer America. America kicks ass.

I'm the one on the right if you couldn't tell

The weirdest conversation I've ever had...

So I was hanging out with my friend at this birthday party, and I had the weirdest conversation I think I've ever had. This girl that I'd never met comes up to me and says 'Has anyone ever told you that you look like Adam Brody from the OC?'

Well, I have no idea who Adam Brody is, and I've never seen the OC, but it was a nice sentiment. When I told her I didn't know who she was talking about, she just kinda walked away and never talked to me again. She probably just wanted my hot body, but as usual I didn't notice. I'm so smooth. I really need to work on that. Anyway.

Personally, I don't see the resemblence. Maybe if I shaved, I dunno. I don't have many pictures of myself, so this is the most recent one I could find (from New Years Eve, I'm the one of the right if you couldn't tell). Maybe you guys see it.

Normally I don't post stuff about my life, but I figure I need to do something to make up for the North Korea thing.

Solving a nuclear crisis for dummies

Most people aren't too concerned with international conflicts, but seeing as how it's my major, I tend to deal with them quite a bit. Also, by virtue of the fact that it's my major, my professors have a lot of first hand experience in dealing with such things.

For example, my Asian Political System professor, Dr. Han Park. He's ethnically Korean, born in China, and a U.S. citizen. In the world of political negotiations, he's a pretty big deal. He just got back from North Korea where we was involved with informal, upper-level negotiations with the North Korean government about their nuclear program. He just spent the whole class telling us all about it, which is cool because we don't have to take notes, and it's actually interesting. He's going to be on CNN International at 1:30 today, and Wolf Blitzer's show tomorrow.

He's a smart guy and all, but sometimes he just doesn't make sense. He's adamantly anti-war, but at the same time is completely against genocide, dictatorship, human rights abuses, etc. He'll admit that sometimes war is the only way to stop these things, but apparently Iraq, North Korea, the Sudan, etc. aren't QUITE bad enough to justify it. Meanwhile people are starving to death, being tortured and hacked to death by machetes. But I digress.

Anyhoo, in listening to him talk, I came up with my own way to solve the whole thing. But for those of you who haven't been paying attention, I'll give you a little recap of the whole situtation.

The U.S. was at war with Korea back in the 50's. It's called the Forgotten War, but I don't remember why. The war never officially ended, so we could technically go blow the crap out of North Korea without even mentioning it, and just be like 'What? It was just a ceasefire...' But that's not going to happen.

After the war and the split between North and South Korea, the North Korean leader Kim Il Sung ruled for like 40 years. As seems to be strangely common in Asian countries, they thought he was pretty much a god. That's never good.

So he kicks the bucket after like 40 years and his son, Kim Jong Il takes over. Again, they think he's a god, or at least they're forced to. Thing is, the guy is a total nutjob. He's sex-crazed, an alcoholic, has delusions of grandeur and a Napoleonic Complex. Do you have any idea how short you have to be to have a Napoleonic Complex in Korea? (Fun fact: if you want to sound smart, refer to North Korea as 'the DPRK'. The official name for North Korea is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. It's kind of ironic though because it's neither democratic, a republic, or for the people.)

At any rate, he wants North Korea to be important around the world so he spends the vast majority of what little money the country has on the military. They have about a million standing army personel, which is the equivelant of the US having a 12 million man standing force, or roughly 25 times of what we have now. In other words, it's pretty big.

Long story short, they pull out of the treaty that says they won't pursue nuclear weapons. We tried making an agreement under Clinton that would've prevented them from doing that, but they lied about it and so did we, so it never really went anywhere. So now they've got the bomb, they're really pissed off at us, and that makes us nervous.

So what do we do? Here's my plan: nothing. Just let them have at it. Here's why: if they start going nuclear, Japan is going to drop the whole pacifist thing and get their own bombs, and so is South Korea. That's going to make China nervous, and they'll increase their own arsenal. Taiwan really isn't going to like that, so they'll get their own program. Not being able to compete in a regional arms race, North Korea will pull a USSR and collapse under its own weight, and they know this. Truth be told, North Korea has no intention of building any more bombs or even testing/using the ones they already have. They're just holding out for as long as they can to get the best deal.

China certainly doesn't want an arms race because things are going to good for them economically right now for them to screw it up. And since China is North Korea's only friend in the world right now, they have an incredible amount of sway, and since it's in China's best interest to save the communist government of North Korea, they're not going to let Kim Jong Il do anything stupid that might rock the boat.

So all in all, we just need to sit tight and call their bluff. If China knows what's good for them, they'll take care of it.

I'm so awesome

Holy crap, people actually read this stuff. I've gotten several comments about how much people like my blog. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Chris Rock just isn't that funny

Some people are getting all upset because Chris Rock is hosting the Oscars and he tends to have a bit of a potty mouth. Big frigging deal. Personally, I'm not upset. Mostly because I never watch the Oscars. I watched part of the Oscars once, 2 years ago, because I put $5 into a pool at Hillel. I lost. But anyway.

Far be it for me to get upset over a few naughty words. I'd be more likely to get upset about how he stereotypes white people, thinks abortion is 'beautiful' and makes jokes out of historically inaccurate things. But I don't. Why? Because it's not that critical. No one takes him seriously, and at the end of the day, he's just not that funny.

First of all, all the swearing makes it hard to follow anything he says. However, he makes up for that by repeating it over and over. And we all know that repeating something that wasn't all that funny in the first place makes it funnier.

Second, his social commentary isn't all that clever. In fact, some of it is just stupid. For example, he thinks that Bush creates all this bad news to take our minds 'off the war'. Brilliant. Because he controls the media and all, and we never hear about the war on the news, especially bad news. I'm all for political humor, but it's got to be at least a little funny.

Now Dave Chappelle, he's funny. He swears gratuitously and stereotypes white people, but he's also an equal opportunity offender, and does it in a way that's frigging hilarious. So I've got an idea to solve the problem with the Oscars. Let Dave Chappelle host them. It'd be funnier, less stupid, and I might actually watch.

Go #@*! yourself, Cupid

It's almost Valentine's Day. Whopee. Valentine's Day is probably my second favorite holiday after Christmas. If by favorite you mean excruciatingly annoying. See, the main tenet of my pseudo-Jew religion is 'if everyone else does it and it looks like a lot of fun, you sure as hell better not do it...' So no Valentine's Day for Charles.

I don't mind not celebrating it so much, because much like every other 'Christian' holiday it has its roots in pagan tradition (hence the little winged elf dude with the bow and arrows), its religious connections are vague at best, and it's been so bastardized by Hallmark that even people like me who have a religious aversion to it feel left out.

What pisses me off most is the whole 'expectations' part of it. People are just expected to buy flowers and chocolates and express their undying adoration for the objects of their affection, and those of us who don't have an object of our affection, haven't yet told the object of our affection about said affection, or have various other reasons for not taking part in such shameful heathenism, well, we're just little soul-less trolls, aren't we? (Just kidding about the shameful heathenism thing.)

Everyone always says 'You shouldn't need a certain day to tell someone you love them', but no one ever means it. Admit it. You do need a certain day. If you did the same thing every day, it wouldn't be very special, would it?

However, maybe it's just my inner need to buck the system, but I don't like the idea of some pagan tradition, decapitated saint I don't believe in in the first place, Hallmark or Eckerd telling me when I should do something special for the aforementioned object of my affection. Thus I create my own day, and make sure it's a surprise. It's better that way. I highly recommend it.

P.S. If this last entry was more or less unintelligible, I'm sorry. I've been hopped up on cold and flu medicine since Tuesday.

Ugh, shut up. Seriously.

One of my guilty pleasures is watching Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a bunch of fat, semi-famous people competing to see who can lose the most weight. Why do I watch it? I honestly don't know, but I can't help it.

At any rate, one of the contestants on the show is Judge Mayblean, the judge from Divorce Court (remember, I said semi-famous). Not many people on the show like her. She's bossy, she's annoying, and constantly argues with the health professionals on the show. All in all, she's a stubborn bitch.

That's all well and good, except that on the most recent show she said something that left me speechless. She was confiding in another cast member that she thought people didn't like her - not because she was bossy, annoying or stubborn - but because people don't like seeing strong black women. Ah! Shut up!

Being a strong black woman has nothing to do with being bossy, annoying, stubborn and bitchy. People that get the two confused really irritate me. Being a bitch doesn't make you a strong woman, and being a strong woman doesn't make you a bitch.

No one likes men that act like that, either. And it doesn't have anything to do with race. Not in this century. 60 years ago, yeah maybe some people would've been upset by a 'strong, black woman'. But when there are several black congress women, actresses, etc. that argument doesn't really stand up. Not to mention the fact that the most successful talk show in America is hosted by a black woman billionaire, and a black woman is the head diplomat in the most powerful nation in the world.

So if people don't like you, it's not because they're racist or threatened by your strength. It's because your personality sucks.

Jessica Simpson just got substantially less hot

I was flipping through the channels, and came across Newlyweds on MTV. The fact that they've been married for like 3 years doesn't seem to matter, but whatever.

So Jessica had a toothache and was at the dentist. I didn't catch the whole conversation, but here's the important part:

Some girl - You don't brush your teeth in the morning?!
Jessica Simpson - Well, no, 'cause I eat breakfast...

GROSS! I don't care if you are ridiculously good-looking. If there's one thing I look for in a girl above everything else, it's personal hygeine -- including, but not limited to, dental hygeine. It's just common courtesy.

Thank you MTV for ruining my daydreams.

Time to get over yourself, Spike

I'm taking this cultural geography class as my last elective before I graduate, and it deals with stuff like race and racism. As a product of this, we're watching 'Do The Right Thing', a Spike Lee 'joint', as it were. It puts me in a bad mood. The basic premise of the movie is that heat makes people racist, more specifically, heat makes people hate black people. But that's not even what puts me in a bad mood. I'm mostly irritated at Spike Lee's narcissism. Not only did he write, direct and produce this movie, but he's the main friggin' character. It wouldn't bother me if he could, I dunno, act or something. But he's just annoying. The gall he has to cast himself into his own movie, as the main character no less, just grates on me for some reason.

There was a lot of controversy after the movie came out because it didn't get any Oscar nominations. Well Spike, your movie just isn't that good. The dialogue is something you'd find in a low budget broadway play (or off-broadway, whichever's worse), there's no cinematic breakthroughs, the acting isn't that good, and like I said, the main premise is that heat makes people racist. Brilliant.

I also a problem with the fact that he named his production company '40 Acres and a Mule' productions. For someone who's still pissed off about slavery, he sure does bring it up a lot. I wonder if he'd trade his millions of dollars for 40 acres and a mule. Probably not. I wonder if he realizes that without slavery he'd still be eating bugs in Zambia. Probably not. I wonder if he gets as mad at his black ancestors for selling his relatives into slavery as he does white people because some of their ancestors bought them. Probably not. But hey...who am I to judge?

Super Bowl reflections

All that hype and build-up all year long, and it's over in 4 hours. Kinda like Christmas, though I wouldn't really know. That's what people tell me. Anyway.

The actual game was a lot better than I expected. I expected New England to win, but I didn't expect Philadelphia to put up such a good fight. I must begrudgingly admit that Terrell Owens played well, as much as I hate him. But we saw how much Donovan McNabb can suck. One play, he makes an amazing thread-the-needle pass for a touch down, but then on the next series he puts up this wobbly, wounded duck pass for an interception. But no one really cares about that. The Patriots won, whoohoo, moving on.

What's the main reason everyone watches the Super Bowl? The hilarious commercials. However, this year, funny commercials seemed to be noticeably absent. I mean seriously. Is it just me or did the commercials this year really suck?

They showed the mustang convertible commercial with the frozen guy at least 3 times. It wasn't all that funny to begin with, and it got exponentially less funny every time they showed it. There were a ton of car commercials, none of which were entertaining. The funniest commercials were from an investment firm. One where a guy walks into a gas station and the owners think they're being robbed so they beat the crap out of him and shock him with a tazer. The other one was where the cat got into the spaghetti sauce, and the guy was trying to pick it up when his wife walks in to see him holding a red, dripping wet cat and a butcher knife.

My favorite commercial wasn't really 'advertising' anything. It was paid for by Anheuser Busch, but it was just a thank you to the troops. A bunch of soldiers were walking through an airport to the applause of the people in the concourse. I thought it was rather nice. But other than that, the commercials sucked and I was disappointed.

After the game there was an odd Simpsons episode. The social commentary was a little incoherent. It seemed to be commenting on spoiled athletes, Mel Gibson, bad halftime shows and America's fear of religion in public all at the same time. I think they were trying way too hard to be profound. It didn't really work for them. But my favorite line was from Ned Flanders when he said 'I made a good movie, but I'm having a hard time getting it out. I guess I'm kinda like Michael Moore, except I'm skinny, my clothes look nice and God loves me.' That very well might be the funniest line on the Simpsons ever.

Anyway. Just some random babble for you to think about. If you like, you can give me your opinion for best super bowl commercial (this year or otherwise) or favorite Simpsons line, if you have one. At any rate I'm going to bed.

Weekend at John-Paul's

I'm not Catholic, so what I'm about to say is probably going to sound really insensitive. But what's the big deal about the Pope? All last week it was all over the news that he was in the hospital and having trouble breathing. No kidding. He's like 400 and has Parkinson's Disease. He can barely move, speak, or presumably do much of anything else. Why is it such a surprise?

I'm not exactly sure what the Pope does, but it would seem to be that someone in that condition couldn't fulfill the responsibilities of such a high profile job. Can the Pope retire, or does he have to die first? The extent of my knowledge about the papal process consists of the last 20 minutes of Eurotrip, and it didn't really get too in-depth.

Personally, I think the Pope's been dead for a while, and they just rig him up with a Weekend at Bernie's kinda thing for his appearances. I mean, Catholicism is one gigantic religion, and I've heard they put the Pope like, slightly lower than God in the hierarchy of holiness. If they were to find out that guy died, it'd be devastating.

Something about that doesn't sit right with me. At the end of the day, the Pope is just another old guy. He's no closer to the ear of God than anyone else in the world. And when people start elevating a religious figure like that, it looks to me like they're getting dangerously close to idolatry. But like I said, I'm not Catholic so I probably don't get it.

I don't like France, but Paris is just totally worthless

So I just got finished watching Paris Hilton host Saturday Night Live. It was mediocre, as usual. Ever since Will Ferrell and Jimmy Fallon left, it's gotten steadily less funny. But that's not the point.

The whole time I was watching the show, this little thought kept poking around in my head. I couldn't help thinking...what exactly is Paris Hilton famous for? She's not funny, she can't act, and she doesn't contribute to society in general. Then I realized she wasn't 'famous' until she disgraced her family with a grainy, infrared sex tape. So that's it. She's famous for being a disgraceful skank. Fabulous. Only in America will someone become famous for being a ditzy rich girl with no self-respect or sense of responsibility.

She needs to get a job, and I need to go to bed.

Basketball sucks, but I do it for the money and the girls

Why is our men's basketball team so terrible? I mean seriously. Today we lost by 7 points to South Carolina, despite winning for a good bit of the first half. Sad thing is, we didn't even have 20 points til the 2nd half. Yeah, we're that bad. But on the bright side, at this rate there's no way we're going to be at the SEC tournament for more than one game, or go to the NCAA tournament at all. We might go to the NIT for a game, but we'll probably lose that one, too.

I actually have more fun yelling at our own players than I do the other team. Especially Steve Newman. He just looks goofy. And making fun of Idrissi for being a terrorist makes me laugh. He's from Morocco and looks kinda like Osama bin Laden without a beard.

I don't even like basketball that much. Most of the time I don't even pay all that much attention to the actual game. It's more fun making fun of people and getting into pom pom fights with Robin. Plus it's a good way to get $510 and a lot of free food, so it's not so bad.

Hey whatever happened to...

I've noticed something over the years. Nickelodeon, as a channel, has really started to suck. There's no more good, live action shows. It's all a bunch of crappy, animated shows. (Except for Spongebob. Spongebob rules.)

But whatever happened to good shows like Hey Dude, Salute Your Shorts, and The Tomorrow People?

I did some looking around on imdb.com, and I found that those shows were pretty much the kiss of death for the acting careers of everyone who starred in them. With the notable exceptions of Christine Taylor (Melody from Hey Dude) and Melissa Joan-Hart (Clarissa from Clarissa Explains it All), everyone else was more or less never heard from again.

It's kinda sad in a way. Those shows were way better than any of the crap Nickelodeon shows to kids today. Plus those shows make me all nostalgic. I'll give a dollar to the first person that can tell me the name of that show where the mannequin lived in the mall and came to life when that woman put on his hat.

Just for fun, here are some other shows that used to rock:

The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Welcome Freshman
David the Gnome
Eureka's Castle
Wild and Crazy Kids

For what it's worth

It's been 5 days since Iraqis went to the polls since...well, ever. Looking at Michael Moore's website, you would never know anything ever happened. He does, however, have an up-to-the-minute death and wounded counter.

I just find it odd that he's so obsessed with the bad that goes on in the war but never seems to look up and see the good we're doing. But hey maybe that's just me.

I see God-given freedom being extended to parts of the world that has never before known it. I see the boiling cauldron of American hatred slowly cooling. I see a possible threat to our safety and the safety of our allies that has been removed. Michael Moore apparently sees imperialism, greed, and a war for oil. I guess that's his prerogative. It helps him sell books and movies.

But when I hear of an American soldier dying, I don't see that as just some little tally mark on a list. I see a person far braver than I honorably serving their country and a cause far greater than themselves.

Sometimes I feel like the American people as a whole have gotten too complacent and a little soft-spined when it comes to dealing with national hardship. We lost over 400,000 people in WWII, but the American people persevered and became known as the 'Greatest Generation'. Then in Vietnam we lost roughly 1/7 of what we lost in WWII, we lost our nerve, the media softened our backbone, and ultimately we lost the war.

Now in Iraq, we've lost about 1/41 of what we lost in Vietnam (Or 1/293 of what we lost in WWII for those of you scoring at home...) and people are clamoring for us to pull out of Iraq immediately. Has America gradually become a bunch of sissies?

Random musing 1

So here's the thing. I didn't create this blog because I had anything particular I wanted to say, it just seems like a lot of fun, other people talk about even less interesting things, and I need something else to do other than study.

I'm not going to bore you with details of my social life or anything like that, but I do like making social observations, doing political commentary and stuff like that. Plus this is way easier than building/updating a website.

I'll be back when I actually have something substantive to say.