Spongebob digs the dudes

Since I have to write a 5 page paper by tomorrow that I haven't yet started on, and since I'm not feeling particularly witty at the moment, I'm going to be lame and post my last opinion piece from the GuardDawg. Maybe I'll write something original tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy.

Like many of you, I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends was in fact a homosexual. It was just such a complete surprise that I didn't know how to react. Sure, there were signs that, in hindsight, make a lot of sense -- he wore a tie with socks and knee-high socks, he had an ambiguous relationship with his best friend Patrick, and enjoyed frolicking with squirrels.

However, this revelation was perhaps most shocking because I was always under the impression that sponges were asexual.
But when I heard that Spongebob Squarepants was taking part in a propaganda film that aimed to further the gay agenda, I was stunned. When I then learned that this filth was going to be shown to children, I was livid.
Or, at least I would have been had that been a warranted reaction given the circumstances. That being said, I think I'm going to sit this one out.

Every so often, a well-meaning conservative has a slight overreaction to a particular social issue, what is said gets misinterpreted and taken out of context, the liberal backlash is even worse than what was originally said, and a political barroom brawl ensues.

Everyone remembers the collective wince experienced by reasonable conservatives and the subsequent ridicule from the left when Jerry Falwell made the claim that Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby, was also a homosexual.

This time, that well-meaning conservative is Dr. James Dobson, author and traditional family values advocate. I certainly mean no disrespect to Dr. Dobson and I appreciate his work in the social arena. In his defense, he never expressly said that Spongebob was a homosexual, simply that he had been enlisted in a 'pro-homosexual video', referring to a video that was to be shown in thousands of schools across the country which also included Sesame Street characters, Muppets, and Barney the Dinosaur.

That being said, Dr. Dobson doesn't seem to realize which issues should be left well enough alone. There are more pressing issues facing children today other than the subtle exposure to sexually ambiguous television characters.

Besides, if we start a witch hunt of cartoons and puppets with deviant tendencies, children will be stuck watching Oprah and Dr. Phil after school, and that's just inhumane.

For starters, both Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny traipse around in the nude forcefully kissing members of the opposite sex. What message does that send to the children of this country?
Also, isn't it at least slightly suspicious that Bert and Ernie still share a room when they're both presumably too old for such a thing?

Even Kermit the Frog gets his jollies from romantic relationships with other species. How has this sick perversion gone unnoticed for so long?

The point is, virtually every children’s character can be construed in one way or another as advocating homosexuality or some other behavior at odds with traditional family values. Highly sensitive traditionalists need to realize that children who watch such programming are unconcerned with the sexuality of the characters, and sexuality in general. Trying to protect them from something that easily goes over their head in the first place only indirectly exposes them to what was trying to be avoided.

In addition, family values begin and are reinforced at home. Responsible parenting is far more effective than any film children will see at school, regardless of what that film is thought to advocate.

If the generation before them can survive an effeminate purple dinosaur with an enjoyment of children that borders on suspicious and an androgynous giant yellow bird, this generation will do perfectly well with a friendly, bucktoothed sponge. And for crying out loud, just let kids be kids.