Memories
Yeah, I'm not sleeping again. My sleep schedule is so bizarre lately. As are my dreams. But that's not the point of this post. Actually, this post has no point. I'm just rambling in hopes of making myself sleepy. I've been thinking a lot lately about my memory. Some of you know that my memory has a tendency to be bizarrely photographic. As in, it borders on creepy. I vividly remember things that happened from when I was maybe two or three. I remember miniscule details. I remember things I hear, in many cases word for word as if replaying a recording.
This has its advantages and disadvantages. Remembering detail comes in handy when dealing with females. Put simply, chicks dig a guy that remembers things. It also helps my writing to be able to recall and better describe events.
Of course, with so much of my brain dedicated to memories, I have a tendency to daydream or zone out and not pay attention when I probably should be.
It also gives me a tendency to hold grudges. With remembering so vividly things that are said to me, when something upsets me in one way or another, it tends to affect me much more than it probably should. For example, I still get a little twinge when I remember things that were said to me in elementary school. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure such a thing is neither normal, healthy or productive. That whole adage "forgive and forget" becomes surprisingly difficult when "forget' is taken out of the equation. I should probably work on that.
In much the same way I still remember things that are said to me and remember the feelings associated with them, I do the same thing with things I say or do that I regret. Again, I still get embarrassed/feel guilty for things I said or did literally decades ago. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy, either. There's got to be a difference between having a conscience or being self conscious and beating yourself up over something no one else likely even remembers years after it happens.
I could use one of those flashy things from Men in Bl@ck. And maybe some prescription sleep aid.
posted by That guy @ 4:49 AM
8 Comments:
hey!! new to ur blog.. :) pros and cons for everything we do.. but y don u try and give less importance to things that don matter.. will help???
I have almost the opposite problem. I have a photographic short term memory. I'm THE expert crammer for tests. My long term memory sucks. I'm not sure if half the things I think happened really did happen because the line between my dreams and reality get kinda blurred when it comes to the past. When people talk about the past to me, I constantly learn new things that I did that I had no idea I did. I mastered the forgetting part a little too well.
Amnesia fuckin' blows.
Perhaps Charles would be so kind as to tell Kimberly and I what middle school and high school were like and then we can hit him in the head so he can be as clueless as the rest of us. Sound good to everyone? ::chuckle:: We'll have to make some sort of written record before we hit him though...
If memory serves correctly, they both sucked pretty hardcore. Even I've supressed a lot of the memories.
But did they really completely suck or are we just remembering one instance of suckage and that spoils everything? Or are we actually remembering that it sucked, or are we telling ourself it sucked because we think it did? I'm confused.
I remember, or at least I think I do, some things that didn't suck. All the English projects in Clough's class were fun. It was fun exposing people to Waffle House and Starbucks.
The bad stuff I remember was lots of stress over grades, lots of drama on the social scene, LOTS of conflict with my family, and lots of heartache in my love life. But the actual school part had some fun moments. It's kinda sad that the school projects were the highlight of those years... But overall there was a fair amount of laughter, often in relation to completing those projects, when we could at least temporarily forget everything else.
"Oooooh.....teh drama!...."
I think I liked German class. And physics. And lunch. (Right?)
I also liked whenever something new would start. New semester/six weeks or a new seating chart or whatever. Gotta keep it fresh.
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