Hippies and their cancer

I was watching Fox News today, and they were talking about a study that showed that sun screen actually causes more cancer than it prevents, and that being in the sun actually prevents more cancer than it causes. Fantastic. I'm never listening to them again. I'm going to eat a ton of eggs (fried eggs), followed by a nice, bloody, rare steak (veal steak), while driving around in a convertible with the top down (no sunscreen), and the gas cap off. Just to prove a point.

But what I found more interesting is that people in the Northeastern United States and Northern Europe are more likely to get skin cancer than those in the south. Now, the study claims that this is because during the winter, these areas don't get enough direct sunlight to start the production of vitamin D, but I think we all know the real reason.

It's just God's way of punishing people for being Yankees and socialists. It also said blacks are more likely than whites to get cancer, but making a joke out of that almost seemed too easy.

Perhaps the causes of skin cancer are more ideological than previously thought. Think about it...who's more likely to get skin cancer? A white guy from Macon, or a black guy from Boston? Race aside, where would you think these respective people fall politically? Spiritually? This brings me to only one conclusion -- being a liberal causes cancer. Much like the Sodomites were turned into salt for being gay, people all over the world are being smitten with skin cancer for being godless liberals. If they have any hope for survival, they must repent and change their ideology to one that finds more favor with the Lord.

Oh, and if you're all pissed off after reading this, lighten up. It's just a joke. Everything except for the part about blacks and people in the North getting more skin cancer. That totally happens.