More fun with the Tate Preacher

Sorry I haven't written anything in a while. I've just had so much going on with school winding down and getting a job and everything else that I haven't had any spare time to ramble on a blog post. And while I really should be working on one of the papers due next week that I haven't even started yet, I just feel like rambling. So here it goes.

Thursday was another distribution day for the GuardDawg, so I spent most of my day at Tate Center. Luckily, it was also the day that one of the many fundamentalist preachers decided to grace us with his presence, so I wasn't without entertainment.I almost felt bad for him for the first part of his speech because while he was ranting and raving, literally no one was paying attention, save for the few people like me manning a student organization table. It was quite intriguing to see him carrying on as if he had a massive audience, even though it was pretty deserted. Maybe there was one in his head. I wouldn't be surprised.

However, as the day went on and classes let out, the Tate Center started bustling and naturally his audience grew. Eventually some snotty, know-it-all atheist made the mistake of asking a question in an attempt to make the preacher look (even more) like an idiot, and it was off to the races. Watching these arguments is always slightly sadistic for me, as watching a fundamentalist Christian and an Atheist argue religion is along the lines of watching a Presidential debate between Michael Peroutka and Lyndon LaRouche.I couldn't hear the entire exchange, nor would it be that interesting to repeat it verbatim, but here are some of my favorite excerpts with my own commentary in italics.

"You wouldn't like Heaven because there's no BOOZE in Heaven. There's no SEX in Heaven..."
--Whoa whoa whoa...what? First of all, if someone wouldn't like Heaven, what incentive is there for them to fulfill what you profess to be the requirements to get in? Furthermore, who said there's no booze in Heaven? If you believe in Jesus, you believe he turned water into wine. I've heard Baptists argue that it wasn't really wine, but grape juice. Please. Jesus was Jewish. Have you ever been to a Jewish wedding? Religious service? Shabbat dinner? Any gathering with 3 or more people? There's wine all over the place! If you ask me, there's probably booze in Heaven, but without the 3 am phone calls and e-mails to your ex-girlfriend, and without the hangovers and throwing up. I'm pretty sure there's sex in Heaven, too, but without the accidental pregnancies and topical cream. It probably won't be as dirty as we make it either. But I dunno. I've never been there.

"The only way to Heaven is through Jesus..."
--Fair enough. I mean, it's not my deal, but you're entitled to your belief. But it must suck to have been born before Jesus, or in a place that's never heard of him through no fault of their own. All those people going to hell just for not knowing any better...ouch.

"But there are also people that don't believe in Jesus that get into Heaven..."
--Well that's good to know. But I thought you just said...

"...on the other hand, there are people that do believe in Jesus that go to hell..."
--Ok now I'm confused. I thought you said that the only way into Heaven was to believe in Jesus...but then you said that you don't have to...and even if you do you could still end up in hell. How does all that work?

"This Bible that I have in my hand is in no way contradictory to itself..."
--I would be inclined to agree with that. I've read the Bible, and it seems pretty straight forward. But what book are you reading that talks about bunnies laying painted eggs and children going out and looking for them, and somehow relating it to the resurrection of Jesus? And I've looked all through the New Testament and can't find anything about some fat guy shimmying down people's chimneys and putting presents under a decorated evergreen. It also doesn't mention Jesus being born in the middle of winter. Shepards don't tend sheep in the winter. And what kind of birthday is it when people give presents to each other, instead of the person supposedly celebrating it? That doesn't seem right.

I like to think of myself as pretty reasonable. I can be swayed by a logical, well-supported argument. But when people like this guy get up in front of people and start thumping a book and preaching stuff that isn't even in it, it's not very convincing. A lot of my Jewish friends argue that it's a problem in translation, so it's better to read the original Hebrew. I think they're missing point. How can people like that be expected to read Hebrew when they apparently don't even read English?I'd love to stay and ramble on about my views on religion ('cause Lord knows I've got plenty), but maybe some other time. I'll probably write a book some day. But until then, I've got crackers I gotta go eat.