Trusting the gut, Part II

All I know's I gotta be
Where my heart says I oughta be
It often makes no sense
In fact, I never understand these things I feel

Those of you that know me well know that I have a rather active — not to mention bizarre — dream cycle. Last night was no exception. And after one such dream, I found myself awake at 5:00 with enough nagging thoughts to ward off sleep for about an hour. (It was actually convenient because I’d forgotten to plug in my iPod before I went to bed so this way it had time to charge before I left for work. Anyway.)

I mentioned trusting my gut before. It’s worth mentioning that my gut has always told me that D.C., or at least the suburbs thereof, is the best place to advance my desired career. It might also be worth mentioning that, for the first time in a while, I’m actually listening when it says so.

Several times over the last 11 months I’ve had the feeling that I could leave this city, return to some semblance of “home” and never give it a second thought. Now that I’m in the position to make such a decision, however, something seems amiss.

When I would have such thoughts in the past, it was under the assumption that I had no roots established in “the District” and that leaving would be quick and painless. But as it stands now, my roots are deeper than I thought and leaving is actually a more saddening prospect than that of not going home.

Leave it to me to wait until month 11 of a 12-month contract to figure out that I want to hang around, but it is what it is.

One of my passions, or at least interests — after music, writing, politics, philosophy, and religion — is economics. I once had a professor explain to me that all decisions in life were economic. Not necessarily monetary, but economic. He also explained to me that everything was possible, it is only a matter of cost. Meaning, some things might be cost prohibitive, but not impossible.

If you’ve ever taken an economics class (as I’m sure most, if not all of you have) you also know the concept of opportunity cost. For a simple refresher, opportunity cost is the idea that once a decision is made you then lose the opportunity to make other decisions.

With this in mind, the perceived benefit of going back to Georgia is outweighed by the cost of leaving D.C. That may sound really robotic and calculating, and on some level I’m sure it is, but it adds a nice intellectual component to my gut feeling.

I have far too many opportunities, budding relationships, possibilities, etc. to simply pack up and leave them all behind. Those of you that know me best know that I’m very “comfort zone oriented.” That is to say that I find my comfort zone very…uh…comfortable…and don’t like leaving it. I’m trying hard to shake this, and I think retreating to Georgia would be a major setback. It would be taking the path of least resistance, the “safe” bet, etc.

I’m not much of a gambler, but I feel like I’m holding a pretty good hand and the flop was promising. It’s certainly worth sticking around to see what I get on the turn and the river. Ok, so maybe I am that much of a gambler.

The point is, the prospect of transplanting myself isn’t nearly as scary as it was a year, or even three months ago. I’m fine, I’ve been fine, and I’m going to be fine. The important people back home aren’t going to phase me out of their lives anymore than I’m going to phase them out of mine. And the really important people will find the time to visit, and me likewise. And, worse comes to worst, I can leave when I really do get sick of this place. It just hasn’t happened yet.

Of course, all this musing means precisely dick if I don’t get a job lined up in the next five weeks or so. But it’s nice to have a game plan.