Monday, August 29, 2005

So many letters, so little grammar

I read a lot of stupid e-mail at work. A lot. My running tally shows that just under 23% of all the letters we receive are usable. And of the 77% of letters we get that we don't use, I'd venture a guess that at least half of those are absolute gibberish.

We got a 3,000 word letter on Friday about immigration, and seeing as how our whole letters pages runs between 800-1000 words, that's pretty impressive.

Today, I had the pleasure of reading a two page letter (actually mailed to us), about how the Holocaust was really no worse than any other example of genocide in history, and that it was mostly fabricated so as to enhance the tourism and entertainment industries for the 'Jerusalem-controlled worldwide news and entertainment media'.

He went on to say that Israel uses the Holocaust to 'con' America into fighting wars for it, like Iraq and Afghanistan, and how Israel has near-total control over the world media, and that no one has the guts to publicize that.

Well, I guess chalk me up as not having the guts to publicize it. I was so irritated after reading it that I actually had to take a break.

Upon my return, I had the pleasure of reading this gem, also an actual letter (as opposed to an e-mail,) as well as hand-written. Handwritten letters are often my favorite, because they're routinely the nuttiest. This one was certainly no let down. Just to give you an idea of some of the crap I have to put up with every day, here's that letter, in its entirety, ver batim:

Accounts of violent org.s in the papers are reminiscent of the '30=s...
"RAN FERO" could be spanish pronunciation of "VEREIN FUEHRER"
((German for Lodge or Association Leader))...
Alfred E. Neuman(n) could be "?WAS, MIR ANGST? KEIN WEG!"
(("What, me worry? No way!"))
You'll learn more German in the recent opening "THE TUNNEL"...
Some dreadful German of the '50=s from the '40=s turned out to be nearly the same as POST OFFICE labelling & categ=
=ories: "sonder behandlung": "special handling", u.s.w. (etc.)
The '30=s, '40=s & '50=s wisely kept the large amount of chemical industry info "under the table", however, it was freely shared in publications among Canada, England, U.S.A. & France! The Spanish and Italian nations were apparently not included except as factory workers in new plants...i never saw a book on chemistry IN Spanish OR Italian! Hopefully it's not a religious prohibition! : )


What? I have no idea what this person I talking about, or even who they are, as they didn't sign the letter. But I did appreciate the different color inks denoting the different paragraphs. That was a nice touch. Looks like someone got a box of magic markers for their birthday.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too have my share of crap I have to read from my inner city reading students. My personal favorite was
"How favorite rap sports class is."
Always look on the bright side of life... I try to but meine Kinder have a LONG way to go before they reach a state of semi-coherance...
Michelle

7:45 PM  

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